Today In Sport

This past week the Football Federation of Australia announced the successor to Pim Verbeek for the head coach position with the Socceroos, Holger Osieck.  Who?  No, seriously.  Who the hell is that? 

Well apparently after a mediocre playing career, he worked his way up to being Franz Beckenbauer’s assistant/clipboard monkey at Italia 90.  Oh by the way, he is German, not Dutch so that is a step in the right direction.  After winning a World Cup with Germany he then descended into lower league club football before landing the top job with Canada.

Osieck managed to win a CONCACAF Gold Cup in his time there but was unable to take Canada to the World Cup.  He then joined FIFA in 2004 as the chief of their Technical Department.  Hopefully he still has some contacts there that might help us win the hosting rights for the 2022 World Cup.

He rejoined the coaching ranks in 2007, taking over J-League side Urawa Red Diamonds.  He took them to the 2007 Asian Champions League title.  But does that make him a good coach when he was dumped early in the 2008 season for a poor start?  I am not convinced by his credentials yet.

However, he is now our manager and he promises us that he will usher in a new generation of Socceroos.  At least we newspapers around Australia will be able to have such witty headlines as “Ossie leads us into the World Cup.”  Assuming we make it.

A brand new Hyundai A-League season begins on Thursday complete with a brand new team, the Melbourne Heart.  There have been changes a plenty over the off-season, new managers have entered, goalkeepers have been moving around left, right and center and Australian players have returned from their time with overseas clubs.

So, who will win this season?  Can Sydney do the double or will a brand new champion such as Perth or Wellington be crowned?  Let’s have a look shall we.

ADELAIDE UNITED

Last season was, to put it mildly, an unmitigated disaster.  The inability to put the ball in the net on a consistant basis was the chief reason for their dramatic slide down the ladder.  So they went out and got the best available striker they knew could perform in this league, Serginho van Dijk.

He has already proven his worth during The Reds encouraging Asian Champions League campaign where they managed to make it to the round of 16 where they were beaten in extra time by Korean outfit Jeonbuk Motors. 

We had a brief glimpse of Argentinian playmaker Marcos Flores at the end of last season and during the ACL and he looks like he can provide the midfield polish that United were sadly lacking last season.  But the biggest off-season change was with the manager.

Aurelio Vidmar ended his association with The Reds after the ACL campaign to take up a role with the national team.  He has now been replaced by Dutch coach Rini Coolen.  Coolen has experience in the European leagues, having played and managed there and will bring some new tactics to the Adelaide squad, including a 4-3-3 formation if the pre-season has been anything to go by. (continue reading…)

*Newspapers may or may not be real.

10. The Kim Jong Il Times, North Korea - 23 People Shot And Killed During Welcome Home Ceremony For North Korean Football Team.

9. The Montevideo Sun, Uruguay - New Goalkeeper Suarez Keeps Uruguay In World Cup

8. The Springbok Sentinel, South Africa - The Johannesberg Symphony Orchestra To Add Vuvuzela To Lineup.

7. USA Today, USA - United States Lose In Round Of 16, America Loses Interest In World Cup.

6. The London Times, England - Emile Heskey Announces Retirement From International Football, Looks Forward To Just Being Rubbish At Club Level.

5. The Dublin Report, Ireland - France Go Out At The Group Stage - Take That You Cheating Bastards!

4. The Berlin Bugle, Germany - England Receive Karma For 1966 - Take that You Cheating Bastards!

3. The Wildebeest Weekly, Nigeria - Sani Kaita Apologises For Red Card, Asks For Fans Bank Account Details So He Can Compensate Them.

2. The Madrid News, Spain - Spain Wins World Cup, Fans Believe A Glitch Has Occurred In The Matrix.

1. The Dutch Herald, Holland - Fried Octopus Hottest Menu Item In Dutch Restraunts.

  The 2010 FIFA World Cup has been hit by a spate of at the very least, questionable decisions being made by the match referees.  Sure, the actual football has at times been on the wrong side of good but the officials are making it hard for teams to play. (continue reading…)

Well, the first round of matches in this years World Cup are done and dusted and there were a few thrills and some bigger spills, especially from big guns Spain and England.

Best Performance - Argentina’s defeat of Nigeria - It would be easy to say Germany’s demolition of Australia but two of their goals came after Cahill was sent off (more on that later).  Argentina monstered the Nigerian team with some slick movement and if not for some outstanding heroics from goalkeeper Vincent Enyeama they would have won by about 6-0.

Worst Performance - France’s draw with Uruguay - Uruguay are not a bad team, but France were just ordinary.  They only just scraped into the World Cup and on that performance they are really lucky to be there.  They will have to pick up their game a whole lot to make something happen in this tournament.

Worst Goalkeeping Blunder - Rob Green v USA - I think enough has been said about this monumentous gaffe so I will let Rob slink away in peace to the end of the bench while Calamity James takes his spot.

Best Goal - Maicon v North Korea - Whether he meant it or not is up for debate but there is no doubt it was an amazing shot with this new ball.  I choose to believe he meant it.

Worst Decision - Tim Cahill’s Red Card - I don’t know what Marco Rodriguez saw in the incident but he was very harsh on the Aussie midfielder.  It was a sliding challenge from behind but Cahill pulled his leg out of it and his momentum helped slide his knee into the leg of Schweinsteiger.  Even Bastian said that it was not a red card offence.  Let’s hope that FIFA do the right thing and leave it at a one match ban.

Biggest Controversy - The Jabulani Ball - It was a toss up between the ball and those damn horns but the ball is really affecting the quality of play on the pitch and the number of goals being scored.  Too many times the ball has played an integral part in a botched move.

Biggest Surprise - North Korea - I could have said Switzerland or the US or New Zealand for their performances but North Korea proved that they will not be the pushover that everyone thought they would be before the tournament.  I look forward to seeing how they go against Portugal and Ivory Coast.

So far it has been an interesting tournament and I look forward to some more exciting play than we have gotten so far.

Just when England were looking to go into half time a goal up, a speculative shot by US midfielder Clint Dempsey made England’s goalkeeper Rob Green look extremely silly.  Say what you want about the crazy ball, this was just a massive howler.

Last week all 32 nations involved in this months World Cup had to submit their 23 man squads to FIFA for the tournament.  North Korea’s manager Kim-Jong Hun decided to try and see if he could “play” with the system.  His plan failed. (continue reading…)

Finally we have reached the last group in our World Cup preview series.  Group H features the reigning European Champion and one of the favourites for the tournament, Spain.  The rest of the group however is full of also rans, although Chile might be the surprise packet.  Let’s see how they got here.

SPAIN - Qualified by thrusting their horns through the heart of their opponents matadors.  That’s how Bull Fighting works, isn’t it?

CHILE - Qualified so they could go to the warmer climate as it is too chilly where they live.  Or they like hot weather to go with their chili.  Whichever is more appropriate.

SWITZERLAND - Qualified by cruising downhill through their group in neutral.

HONDURAS - Qualified by making excellent cars.  Although I prefer Holdens.

Spain is one of those countries that has turned up to countless tournaments as one of the favourites and failed miserably everytime.  That was until the 2008 European Championships.  They finally realised their potential and dominated the tournament.  But can they do it again two years later against the world? (continue reading…)

If there is one group other than Australia’s that I am most looking forward to, Group G is it.  Portugal, Ivory Coast and the mighty Brazil are all world class sides and don’t forget about North Korea who might end up helping to decide who goes through to the next round.

GROUP G IS -

PORTUGAL - Qualified because Ronaldo’s tears can score goals.  Good thing he cries all the time.

BRAZIL - Qualification for the World cup is easy when you can Samba your way through opposition defences.

IVORY COAST - Qualified because Didier Drogba said if they didn’t it would be a disgrace.  A F&%*ING DISGRACE!

NORTH KOREA - Qualified by pointing a nuclear weapon at their opponents. (continue reading…)