Jasper Beardly To Take Over From Sir Alex Ferguson At Manchester United
by The Stinger on Jan.25, 2010, under Football
There is growing speculation that Sir Alex Ferguson will soon be retiring from his post as Manchester United supremo. So, I have decided to start a campaign to get Jasper Beardly the job as Sir Alex’s successor.
I have been able to obtain a copy of Jasper’s rules for the locker-room and they are frighteningly similar to SAF’s own list of demands and expectations. So without further ado, here is Jasper Beardly’s list of things that will earn you a paddling.
- Turning up late to training - that’s a paddlin’.
- Complaining about lack of playing time - that’s a paddlin’.
- Missing a shot from the six yard box - oh you better believe that’s a paddlin’.
- Bringing up the name David Beckham - that’s a paddlin’…..and a boot in the face.
- Bringing up the name Eric Cantona - c’est une paddlin’.
- Taking your shirt off after scoring a goal - that’s a paddlin’…..unless you are Ryan Giggs.
- Attempting to shoot from a 40 yard free kick when your name is not Cristiano Ronaldo - that’s a paddlin’.
- Being named Cristiano Ronaldo - that’s a paddlin’ and a transfer to anyone who will pay us a ridiculous amount of money.
- Being a goal scoring machine for another club but not for Man Utd - Dimitar, prepare for your paddlin’.
- Not knowing when you are too old, too cranky and too drunk to continue managing the club - that’s a paddlin’.
Hopefully he gets the job soon.
-
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