Archive for January, 2010
Jasper Beardly To Take Over From Sir Alex Ferguson At Manchester United
by The Stinger on Jan.25, 2010, under Football
There is growing speculation that Sir Alex Ferguson will soon be retiring from his post as Manchester United supremo. So, I have decided to start a campaign to get Jasper Beardly the job as Sir Alex’s successor.
I have been able to obtain a copy of Jasper’s rules for the locker-room and they are frighteningly similar to SAF’s own list of demands and expectations. So without further ado, here is Jasper Beardly’s list of things that will earn you a paddling.
- Turning up late to training - that’s a paddlin’.
- Complaining about lack of playing time - that’s a paddlin’.
- Missing a shot from the six yard box - oh you better believe that’s a paddlin’.
- Bringing up the name David Beckham - that’s a paddlin’…..and a boot in the face.
- Bringing up the name Eric Cantona - c’est une paddlin’.
- Taking your shirt off after scoring a goal - that’s a paddlin’…..unless you are Ryan Giggs.
- Attempting to shoot from a 40 yard free kick when your name is not Cristiano Ronaldo - that’s a paddlin’.
- Being named Cristiano Ronaldo - that’s a paddlin’ and a transfer to anyone who will pay us a ridiculous amount of money.
- Being a goal scoring machine for another club but not for Man Utd - Dimitar, prepare for your paddlin’.
- Not knowing when you are too old, too cranky and too drunk to continue managing the club - that’s a paddlin’.
Hopefully he gets the job soon.
ManCiti Looking For Name Change?
by The Stinger on Jan.16, 2010, under Football
With the arrival of former Gunner, Patrick Vieira at Manchester City to join up with other ex-Arsenal players including Emmanuel Adebayor and Kolo Toure, there is now talk that they will change the club name to North Arsenal.
More on this to come.
Adebayor Survives Togo Team Bus Attack
by The Stinger on Jan.14, 2010, under Football
Manchester City striker Emmanuel Adebayor was travelling to training with his Togo team-mates in preparation for their first African Nations Cup match in Angola when the bus was attack by local freedom fighters/terrorists. The gunmen fired on the bus for 20 minutes, killing three team members and injuring some others.
There are reports that Adebayor ran the length of the bus to celebrate in front of the gunners. More on this story to come.
Mark McGwire Admits Steroid Use During Career
by The Stinger on Jan.12, 2010, under American
Today former MLB Home Run King, Mark McGwire revealed that he had in fact used steroids during his career. In his forthcoming book due out in time for next christmas he reveals that water is wet, fire is hot and a thousand other things that we already knew.
Travis Pastrana - Red Bull New Year No Limits
by The Stinger on Jan.01, 2010, under American, Motorsport, Other Sports
Action Sports superstar Travis Pastrana wanted so badly to be a part of the now annual New Years stunt show put on by Red Bull and dominated by Robbie Madison that he came up with a stunt that would attempt to top all the previous shows. And he may have succeeded.
Travis Pastrana decided to jump from the Long Beach Pier onto a landing ramp on a barge in the harbour 250 feet away to break the world record of 171 feet. There were many factors that were against him, tides, wind and ultiamtely trying to stop if he landed it on the ramp which was barely 200 feet long.
Well here it is.
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Today In Sport
If it happened in sport today, we're probably making fun of it.
Today In Sport- Holger Osieck - The Socceroos New Boss August 14, 2010This past week the Football Federation of Australia announced the successor to Pim Verbeek for the head coach position with the Socceroos, Holger Osieck. Who? No, seriously. Who the hell is that? Well apparently after a mediocre playing career, he worked his way up to being Franz Beckenbauer’s assistant/clipboard monkey at Italia 90. Oh by […]The Stinger
- Barclays Premier League 2010/2011 - A Quick Preview August 14, 2010The new English Premier League season is upon us and here is my picks for where everyone will finish plus a few extra special predictions. 1. Chelski 2. ManCiti 3. Arselol 4. ManUre 5. Liverwurstpool 6. Rottenham 7. Villa 8. EverTimmeh 9. Fulham 10. Small Heath Alliance 11. Wigan 12. Stoke 13. Sunderland 14. Newcastle 15. West Ham 16. Bolton 17. Blackburn 1 […]The Stinger
- Shaquille Becomes A Jolly Green Giant August 7, 2010Shaquille O’neal was this week announced as the newest addition to the Boston Celtic’s All-Star Cavalcade Of Future Hall Of Famers Retirement Tour. That’s not to say that this team won’t be competitive, far from it. They have over 50 combined All-Star appearances on their roster and they can all still play. But they are not [...]The Stinger
- Ilya Kovalchuk - The Saga Continues August 3, 2010For those who came in late, Ilya Kovalchuk was traded during the middle of last season from Atlanta to the New Jersey Devils. He became a much sought after commodity during the off-season and was actively pursued by many a NHL club, most notably Los Angeles. But the New Jersey management came up with a brilliant plan. Offer [...]The Stinger
- 2010/2011 Hyundai A-League Season Preview August 1, 2010A brand new Hyundai A-League season begins on Thursday complete with a brand new team, the Melbourne Heart. There have been changes a plenty over the off-season, new managers have entered, goalkeepers have been moving around left, right and center and Australian players have returned from their time with overseas clubs. So, who will win this [...]The Stinger
- The Top Ten Newspaper Headlines During The World Cup* July 18, 2010*Newspapers may or may not be real. 10. The Kim Jong Il Times, North Korea - 23 People Shot And Killed During Welcome Home Ceremony For North Korean Football Team. 9. The Montevideo Sun, Uruguay - New Goalkeeper Suarez Keeps Uruguay In World Cup 8. The Springbok Sentinel, South Africa - The Johannesberg Symphony Orchestra To Add Vuvuzela To [...]The Stinger
- Happy Birthday Dad. July 13, 2010Today is my father’s birthday, so Happy Birthday dad. My love of sport comes from him. He introduced me to so many different sports and helped give me a overall enjoyment of all sports. He came from a big family and all of them loved their footy, especially growing up not far from the Footscray football [...]The Stinger
- The Weirdest Olympic Sports In History June 22, 2010Throughout the history of the modern Olympic Games many sports have come and gone. Some events were merged or incorporated with others, but other sports were banished altogether. There are many sports that were given a go and either through lack of participating countries or just flat out strangeness, they had to be let go. Here [...]The Stinger
- FIFA World Cup - Refereeing At Its Worst? June 21, 2010The 2010 FIFA World Cup has been hit by a spate of at the very least, questionable decisions being made by the match referees. Sure, the actual football has at times been on the wrong side of good but the officials are making it hard for teams to play. The World Cup is supposed to be [...]The Stinger
- 2010 FIFA World Cup - Round 1 Review June 17, 2010Well, the first round of matches in this years World Cup are done and dusted and there were a few thrills and some bigger spills, especially from big guns Spain and England. Best Performance - Argentina’s defeat of Nigeria - It would be easy to say Germany’s demolition of Australia but two of their goals came [...]The Stinger
- Holger Osieck - The Socceroos New Boss August 14, 2010
